Goldilocks and the 3 Bears in Reality

Once upon a time there was a family of Bears who lived deep within a forest.  One day the three bears made Porridge for breakfast.  Before eating breakfast the three bears decided to go for a walk and so they left their breakfast at home and left for a walk.  A young woman named Goldilocks happened upon the Bears' house.  She went up to the door and knocked but no-one answered.  She waited then tried the door, but it was locked.  Goldilocks being a determined young thing and also knowing the Bears were quite well off decided she would not give up so easily.  She went round to the back of the house where she found the workshop of Papa Bear.  Inside she found a crowbar which she saw and thought "mm this is just right."

Goldilocks approached the house and silently jammed the crowbar into the door frame, she broke the door open and found herself in the kitchen.  She immediately set about putting all the valuables in a bag which she had been carrying.  Once full of Mama Bear's jewelery she had a look around.  She found a set of keys for the car that sat in the driveway and immediately plotted her getaway.  She would steal the car and flog it on the black market, she knew a man who owed her a favour.  Just then she noticed three bowls of porridge on the table and thought she had not ate that day so she would have a snack.  She tried the first bowl but it was too hot.  Then she tried the second but it was too cold.  Finally she tried the third it was just right so she ate it all.  Thinking the bowls looked nice she scraped them clean and threw them in her bag.

After looking around some more she found a bedroom with three beds.  She hopped on the first and thought it was too hard.  She hopped on the second and thought it was too soft.  She finally hopped on the third and thought it was just right.  After sitting there a while a thought occurred to her.  Her friend Gingerbeard had been complaining that life was too boring for him.  She called Gingerbeard on her phone and told him to come over.  When he arrived she dragged him upstairs where the two immediately set about having rampant sex in the third bed.

A few moments later and the three Bears arrived home again.  They entered through the front door and approached the kitchen where they saw the back door had been broken down.  Papa Bear looked at the table, "Some-one's stolen my porridge" he said "Some-one's stolen my porridge too" said Mama Bear.  "Some-one's stolen my porridge too" said the little bear.  Papa Bear sniffed he let out a whisper "I can smell someone upstairs" and so the three Bears crept upstairs and entered the bedroom, there they found Goldilocks and Gingerbeard in the heat of passion.  The Bears entered and blocked the doorway.  Goldilocks jumped so did Gingerbeard.  Gingerbeard dived for the crowbar and swung it for Papa Bear who grabbed the bar and threw it across the room.  Papa Bear grabbed Gingerbeard and roared before snapping his neck and killing him instantly.

Goldilocks was frightened out of her wits as Mama Bear grabbed her and trailed her across the room and down into the kitchen.  Mama Bear tied Goldilocks up and slapped her across her face with her paws until she fell unconscious.  Baby Bear found the bag full of their belongings and brought it down to the kitchen to show Mama Bear.  Papa Bear dragged Gingerbeard's Lifeless corpse out into the yard where he went to get the hatchet.  That night the three Bears feasted on Gingerbeard Soup.  Goldilocks was never heard of again.  No-one knows what ever happened to her.

Well they were three Bears what did you expect?