Free Will Paradox

FAO: Atheists:  Please put aside any Theistic prejudice and approach with an open mind
FAO: Theists:  Nobody likes a gloat so don't read and feel smug.

One of the biggest points of contention in the argument of whether any deity exists is the question of Free Will - being able to do as you please and control your own life.

I and others have often thought that the Atheists are those that are most free in will while Theists are constricted the most in what they can and can't do.  However it has dawned on me to question this.  I have come to terms with accepting one part of my personality, a part that I have tried to change as of late and that is my overall organisation.  I do not mean organisation in terms of how neat and tidy I am, instead I mean in terms of life goals, schedules and targets etc. 

For the first 21 years of my life I embraced a level of 'perfect Chaos' in my life.  For the most part I surrendered my will to fate and let life and others guide my overall goal and destination.  I thought only of the little things and the day to day aspects of life and never thought much about the overall direction in which it was headed.  For the most part it worked.  Good and Bad things occurred in my life but that is to be expected that is normal.  Arguably I had an abnormal childhood in most cultural standards but normal by the standard of where I lived and the people around me.  [I am talking in particular about growing up in Northern Ireland and the many things that I grew up around that children really shouldn't - through no fault of my parents this is just the reality of life in NI].  But through it all I had time for my family, I had time for my friends, I did the things I wanted to do and I achieved the small goals I set for myself and often surpassed both my own and others' expectation.  Above all else however is the fact that I was happy.

In the past 2 years I have tried proactively to change who I am and become an organised person and to map out my life and create schedules and try and take complete control.  It is undebatable that this has proven to be futile and produced more bad than good and left me in a position of depression and angst.  I have given up on this now because I have come to terms with the fact that this is not who I am.  I am not a controller.  I never sought before and shouldn't again lest the results turn out like they have it would be a very bad judgement.

So I have reverted to my old self and have embraced the world of perfect Chaos and I am already feeling the benefit.  I am less stressed, I am spending more time with my family, I am actually getting things done I have put off for ages and I have made time to see my friends, including arranging a trip to Paris to see not one but two of my closest friends.

Now here's the point of epiphany.  I have thought about those religious types who 'surrender their will to God' and live off the rewards of doing so and try to live a happy life worrying only of the day to day.  While many would see this as a form of enslavement to some higher power I would argue that those who choose this path paradoxically have more free will and more freedom to do what they want with their lives.  Those who try to take complete control of their lives on the other hand willingly burden themselves.

I have no aspirations of fame, or fortune for that matter.  I would not turn them down if they presented themselves but I do not want them enough to seek them.  I don't have any aspiration to become CEO of some multi-trans-inter-national conglomerate or to be a best selling recording artist etc.  All I want, all I have ever wanted is to live a quiet, happy life.  For the first time in two years I think that is possible.

So I just ask you a simple question:  Who really has free will?  Those who control their lives entirely or those who focus on the day to day and let 'God' or 'Fate' or 'Other' decide the rest?