Gay Commitment

There are those who would say that commitment outright does not exist in Gay World.  I for one am not of this belief, I do believe Gay people can commit to one another.  Although I do have a theory, that perhaps in Gay World the period of time devoted to seeking Love is longer than that of Straight World.  Whether that entails finding Mr Right or ultimately settling for Mr Close-Enough.

The question is - How long do you spend looking for Love?  At what age is it expected or what age do you expect to get married by or be in a serious committed long term relationship?  I know a few people who opt for the 'married by 30' rule but likewise I know a few who got married before they hit 20 a few more who had kids before they hit 20 - although that in itself is a entire topic of conversation.

In Gay World at least there are those who don't seem to commit until they have been around the block several times not just in the number of partners or notches in the bed-post but in years too.  A quick perusal of any number of Gay dating websites and you will find your fair share of 'Old Queens' who are 40 - 50 and still single.  Early 50s seems to be the limit however - although a sweet naive thing you may be dear reader, I would not be inclined to believe the age anyone has placed on their profile so it may just be a case of 'passing for 50'.  If the superficiality is to be believed however it would seem that past the late 50s mark Gay men seem to drop out of the dating world altogether.  Maybe they pair off with those in a similar situation, or maybe they pair off with younger gays looking for a sugar Daddy or maybe they just give up on dating altogether.  Mind you this might all be a misnomer and there may be some over 50 dating site or some form of network they belong to that I as a young Gay man am blissfully unaware.

If I reached 50 having never had a serious long-term relationship with some level of commitment then I would probably have to reassess not just my love life but my entire life as a whole.  To me to have avoided Love for so long could mean one of three things - that I was an impossible person to live with, that I was incredibly picky about who I want to be with or that I was destined to be single.  The last option is rather depressive but I know that I am not impossible to live with - while at University I lived with 3 friends who were completely random in terms of their personalities in my second year and then in my third year I lived with two friends who were in many ways mirrors of my personality.  Admittedly the latter was a lot easier than the former and from the former I learned a lesson about who I can and can not live with.  Therein lies the second option that I would be too picky.  Now albeit in none of these living arrangements was I romantically involved with anyone nevertheless their personality traits and their living habits taught me a lot about what I can and can not  endure over a longer period of time.  Knowing this, and taking into account the fact that bar one or two areas of my life, when I learn a lesson I take it to heart and I live by the wisdom I have realised.  Knowing all this I can full-well believe that I could be incredibly picky about who I would ever consider living with never-mind factoring in the inexperienced variable of living with someone I'm romantically involved with.

Being destined to be single isn't all that bad - it doesn't imply that you will be alone, just not in a relationship.  The problem with that is your friends will eventually drift away as they get married and you will evermore increasingly find yourself as the third wheel.  This is unavoidable, it's as simple as that bar having friends who remain single with you this is something that cannot be escaped.  You will stay friends but you will spend less time together.

So what happens then?  I don't know.  Like I said there are those who have fulfilling relationships.  Commitment does exist in Gay World so all hope is not lost.  How do you find Love?  How do you know it hasn't already found you and passed you by?  How do you know when it finds you?


And after all this it has suddenly dawned on me that a post about Commitment has turned into a post about Love.  Are the two really synonymous can you ever have one without the other?  What does it say about me that I search for commitment as a path to Love? - shouldn't it really be the other way round?  Love first then commit?

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