Reality Bites

There often comes a time in our lives when the rose coloured glasses fall, when reality hits us and we see the world for what it really is.  November has not been an easy month for me this far.  Despite my own feelings and my own inner turmoil I have seen the world of others change and fall apart.  Today was the 14th of November.  Two weeks since this month started and I have see 3 people's relationships collapse.

To be honest this Month has really killed my faith and hope that relationships can work.  In seeing so many people fall apart and seeing the reality of heartache from the third person point of view - I myself was feeling this but seeing it in my closest friends now too is quite unsettling like an out of body experience of sorts.  Emails, Texts, Phone-calls and Tweets to these 3 friends is incredibly bizarre, it's like communicating with a past version of myself.

I say 'past' version because of this post.  Reality bites.  As well as seeing these 3 relationships fall apart in the last 2 weeks, I have also had 3 massive doses of reality, - 2 of which have happened in the last 24 hours for me.  It doesn't really matter now what they are but suffice is to say the last one was the closure I needed and I have accepted it.  When I first realised I won't lie I had a blank face and did not know what to think, but I wasn't angry, I wasn't upset either - this last part is the most important bit.  I wasn't upset, not because I had lost all emotion or because I was incapable of feeling anything, nor was it because the feelings weren't real.  I am capable of feeling many things right now, and I am certain my feelings were real.  I have to move forward though and I don't feel upset about that.

I have been given closure.  I think this is the first time I have ever had it if I am entirely honest.  Almost 4 years have passed since the last time I felt for someone in that way.  Almost 7 years have passed since I first felt this way about someone and in both those instances my feelings are still strong.  They never faded because they were real.  I still have feelings for what has just passed, but I have made peace with the fact that it probably will never amount to anything.  I can take all the time in the world and he can take all the space in the Universe, I will still feel the same way about him and I know that is true because of those that came before.

I am grateful for all that happened.  I don't think any of these guys will ever know what it was they gave me.  I don't think anyone can ever know what it is I feel, not until I fall in love with someone who loves me back, more importantly someone who can keep up with me, I don't like to walk, I don't like to run, I like to fly!  And on that note I will share with you my track of the moment.  I have been listening to it all day on repeat and I feel enlightened, uplifted and awake.  My mind is clear and I am ready to fly again, I think I'll be flying solo for some time though.