Unwritten Words

I am a writer.  In hobby more than anything else, although I would like to make a living out of my hobby I make no effort to pursue it as I do not have a passion to pursue it.  I write when inspiration hits me, movies, books and most often music or when things happen in my life that fill me with emotions and feelings that I can neither fathom nor confront leaving me with the only alternative - that is, to write in order to vent the pent up emotions locked away within me.

Beyond this blog you read I also write for my own private amusement.  Most of this I would share although there really is no rhyme nor reason to those writings.  There are several stories which I started to write but never finished, some have only a chapter and others have thirty or forty pages.  Then there are the FanFic pieces, these I assure you I will never share as they are highly embarrassing, the longest being around two hundred pages loosely based on the Stargate SG-1 series and its fictional Universe.

The unfinished stories perhaps to me are the most interesting, not only for the potential they still hold but for the reasons they were never finished.  For you see, they were not abandoned out of procrastination not where they abandoned out of lack of motivation. No, the majority were abandoned for another reason.  I write best when I write from experience.  There are certain themes that follow through within my stories and there are certain themes that time and again once confronted come to nothing.  By this I mean I can not write what I have not experienced and as for imagination mine is only limited to dreaming up scenarios that would never or could never happen.  When realism or reality in general are confronted I cannot imagine how things would be.

Love is a key theme perhaps the greatest of all the themes that poses a barrier to me.  I have been in love with many people, some in an amicable way while others have and remain to be in a truly amorous way.  There are a few people I truly love and at one point or another I would have been with if I had the chance.  Of all these people though I have consigned myself to the reality that it will never happen, for some of these people that means if they ever asked, despite the depth and profundity of the emotions I feel for them I could never be with them.  There in lies my literary problem.  In all that I have experienced I have never experienced loving another and them loving me in return and the two of us being together.  I have experienced reciprocal love, to love another and have them love you in return, but I have never been with someone in a relationship, in a commitment, living together and because of this I cannot write about these themes in a way that is believable, neither to you the reader nor to I.

Before I close this post I must make one final mention and that is of the stories that are lost.  There have been stories I have written, finished to their ends which have then been lost.  One or two were genuinely lost out of carelessness, reformatting CDs, USB drives or Hard Drives before realising that those stories were actually on them.  Others however were not truly 'lost' but rather 'purged'.  They are stories which I wrote and then deleted, for whatever reason.  Some touched too closely on personal issues, others were written as a form of self-therapy, and some were deleted simply because my opinion of them later changed to something quite negative.  I have moved away from this purging mentality, there are some posts on this blog, short stories included that I considered deleting but I have thus far resisted.  Old habits die hard however and I have been tempted more so of late.