Hindsight

"The full extent of any historical event is neither fully perceived in the moment nor in foresight. It is only in retrospect that we realise monumental events and atrocities as being instrumental in changing the world. You will not understand what is happening in the world today until tomorrow." - My words at age 22.

Two years have passed since I first wrote that quote, I can't remember what event first inspired it but I know that I have reused it many times since in moments of my life, partly as a way pinning my emotions to a point in time so that I can look back in the future and recall what I felt, but also partly as a reminder to myself in the moment that one day will come when I will look back on what I felt and on that moment and think how much I overreacted or how consumed I had become.

I have echoed the words of another before, a wise man who once told me, it doesn't matter how much experience someone has nor how many times they have been there themselves, no matter what they say you'll never listen, because no-one can ever truly know what you feel, they can come close but they can only empathise, they can't take your place.

Of this I would like to extend.  We are not the same person throughout our life.  I am a different person today than I was yesterday and I will be a different person tomorrow as I was today. What I feel here in this moment I can document, I can explain, I can relate to events of others - all this I can do but tomorrow I will not feel the same.  I may come close, but even though it is my life, my memories and my experiences, all future versions of myself and all past versions of myself are as any person would be to me - different people I can come close to knowing but ultimately people whose places I cannot trade.

At age 22 I wrote that quote but even if I could remember exactly what inspired it, I would never again grasp the mentality completely and share the same emotions as I did in that moment.  You can look back on your life, the crushes you had the break ups the get togethers and you can remember what you did and how you felt but memory no matter how vivid is no substitute for first hand experience.  You can recall how great something tasted but you can't relive the taste.  You shouldn't let this get you down though.  You should see this as a lesson, live in the moment.  Let tomorrow be a mystery and revel in your past but don't try to go back.