Emotional Memories

Most memories are passé, almost static if you will, they inspire little more than a fond feeling of nostalgia.  There are however those special memories that in themselves can be something minute, but attached to them is a string of others that often brings on a flood of emotions and feelings that instantly transport us back to the place we were in our minds when the memory first happened.

Whether it's a song or a piece of Music you associated heavily with one person, or a Movie you loved as a child perhaps, that smell of food you haven't ate for years that only your grandma could seem to perfect - all these and more are associations, a stimulus invokes the memory which by association brings on the flood.

While I lived in London there were a few people I got to know, shared things with, became quite good friends then through the trials of life end up parting, sometimes amicably sometimes not so much.  There were landmarks we went to see, clubs we had been to, bars we would frequent, and places we would grab something to eat.  Around London there is a map of my memories and there are places that I can visit, or even just see pictures of and those memories come flooding back.  I was aware of this so much to the point that I had a handful of places in London that I loved, which I vowed I would never take anyone to - for want of not spoiling my enjoyment of them and to this day that vow has been kept.  The most notable would be my favourite place in Chinatown which I have only ever been to alone.  There are fond memories, and I have often thought those places I love and have never shared could become so much more meaningful if I got to share them with someone, while my younger self would vehemently protest, as I have grown I have opened more to this idea, there is so much that I want to share, but recently I have come to realise I don't want to share it with the whole world, I want to share it with someone who will be my whole world.

There is a lot to be said about these memories, namely that breaking the association is perhaps one of the hardest things to do - I guess in many ways the emotions attached govern the association more than the memories themselves, in that line I can only imagine that a stronger emotion would be the only way to break the association, by replacing it with something better.  This is in many ways a metaphor for life, the bad experiences of our past can be replaced by the good experiences we share in the present.  I know this may sound cliché and some may protest that "nothing makes it all better" - but that may be a short sighted judgement, the future after all is unknown and we can only ever see where we want it to go or where we think it might, but our thoughts can influence the path, so try and look to a positive future filled with the dreams of today that will become the memories of tomorrow.

My mentality has changed over the years and in its present incarnation it is very much one that has come to accept that there will be certain things that remind me of certain people, those memories may not be happy, or they may be happy but sad at the same time, but I shouldn't fight this so much - a memory cannot harm you and it cannot control you if you do not let it.  So I have come to accept that all that my life up until today is as it was always going to be, there are many things that could have been done differently but I could never have had it any other way.  Everything has been leading up to my life, my past, my present, and my future.  What is done is done and what will be will be.  Let's see where this goes.