Can you trust a Gay Man?

Let me preface this with two things, firstly I am a gay man if that wasn't obvious enough, and secondly, I have some major trust issues which if you've read some of my previous posts you'll already know and be familiar with the problems it causes.

I had a thought today about trust, more specifically I had a question, can you trust a gay man?  The immediate first reaction to this question for me was why should gay men be considered any different and that led me to consider something.  Most gay men will spend a part of their lives in the closet.  For many this enclosure is self imposed out of the fear of how others might react to knowing they are gay.  Fear is a powerful motivation.  People will do incredible things when they are afraid and go to extraordinary lengths.  However, to be in the closet, at it's most fundamental definition is to actively hide something.  While many people post-coming out will say in hindsight that what they were hiding was not such a big deal after all, in the moment however that one aspect of who you are can be the most monumental truth, an Earth-shattering statement that you fear being known for the destructive power that it seemingly holds.

What has all this got to do with trust?  Some of you may have already figured out where I am going with this - if you can devote every fibre of your being to hiding something from the world, and still live your life acting as if nothing is happening then you are ultimately demonstrating your capacity to hide and to deceive.

I was never a fan of the idea that you "have to come out" but the more I think about it, unless you do it while you are young, and therefore demonstrate that the weight of hiding such a thing was too much for you to bear, you risk the countenance of mistrust.  If you meet someone who is Gay and in the closet and much older, then the apparent conclusion you can draw is that they have spent the better part of their life hiding something from the world, and doing it pretty well if they are still in the closet and no-one knows.  That throws open the question, can you trust a partner that you knowingly accept has the ability to hide something so intimate?

If you discovered your sexuality when you were 15 and you are now 45 and still in the closet, with the people who are closest to you having no idea, having spent 30 years hiding who you are not just from the world but from the ones you love and the ones who love you - regardless of motivation and intent, can you see how your honesty and integrity could be questioned?