Valentine's Day and Death

Valentine's Day is a lot like the death of a loved one.  I know what you are probably thinking - that this is going to a depressing singles' post and to an extent maybe it is but that's not the angle I am going for.

When you start out in a new relationship Romance is born.  It lives and breathes and takes over.  That romance doesn't last forever though and eventually couples become comfortable enough with each other to do all the things that are the antithesis of romance.  There's nothing wrong with that per se and for most couples the death of romance is really something that is inevitable I think.  Valentine's Day is rather like the anniversary of that death, or to be more precise a celebration of its life.  Each Valentine's Day couples show each other affection through romantic gestures.  These acts are really the recollection or celebration of the romance that was once shared when they got together in the first place.

Also like a death of a relative, where some people mark the anniversary every year without fail and others eventually stop marking it at all, so to do some couples decide not to do anything special for Valentine's Day at all.  That in effect marks the disremembrance of romance.

This all relies of course on the assumption that romance died in the first place.  For some couples it does not.  For some they keep romance alive throughout their relationship.  For them every day is like Valentine's Day.  If we all did that there would be no need for the day itself.

I have a love hate relationship with Valentine's Day.  I hate the commercialised nature of it and reduction of romantic gestures into generic products.  To me romance is more than a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates.  It does not have to be materialistic at all it needs to encompass the recipient.  Doing something for them that you rarely do or have never done, that means a lot to them.  Bringing them happiness and joy and showing them how much you love them - that is something you can't put a price on.  I don't like the idea of buying gifts for people because inevitably how much they mean to you becomes literal in "how much did it cost = how much they mean" which I find incredibly sad.

The thing I love about Valentine's Day is that it makes people think about who they are and who they are with.  Whether you are in a relationship or whether you are single you can't really pass Valentine's day without taking a moment to reflect on that.  Valentine's Day is really an opportunity more than anything else.  It's true the same opportunities exist every other day of the year but the date itself exists as a prompt to remind you.  I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone where we both were romantic only one day a year.  I don't think many relationships would last long if that was really the case.  Valentine's Day is an opportunity to remember romance and to rekindle love.