Starting Over

I'm not new to the internet, nor am I new to blogging, but every now and then you find that urge to scrap everything and start over.  Right now I am filled with that urge.  I have been for a while.  It's not just an impulse, this I know for sure as it has been months now for me, living with this feeling.

I was once told that in decades passed people had mid-life crises and that in the modern age with the pace of life quickening we have them sooner now.  The idea of a "quarter life crisis" was something I laughed off in my early 20's mainly because I never let things weigh me down that much.  I was a lot more impulsive when I was younger, I would rise to things much more than I do now.  "Scrappy" is probably an apt definition but at the time I would have resented you for calling me that.  As I have got older though more and more I find myself just wanting a quiet life.  In doing that though I have become complacent with many things and let them mount up over time.  The baggage I have gathered has been something of a burden.

I'd like to be one of those people that just drops everything and runs off to join the Tibetan Monks or goes away to find themselves.  The problem is I burden myself with guilt much more than I should.  I feel responsible for people and things despite the fact I am young, single, never married, have no children, have no financial commitments other than student loans and various debts I amounted over the years.  As for my possessions many of them I could probably do without but I hold onto the mentality of "what is mine will always be mine" and I tend to form deep sentimental attachments to the things I keep.  I have had people say to me that I no longer own my possessions, that they own me, and I must confess to an extent it is true.

This isn't a post to sit and whine about my life, and complain about how bad I have it - I have a good life, I know that.  There are a lot of people that are a lot worse off than me; but the thing is, if you let the fact someone is worse off than you stop you from confronting the things that are making you unhappy you might as well resign yourself from life altogether.  I don't mean to end it all, I just mean to give up caring entirely.  If you weigh up the validity of your emotions by their extremity in comparison to others you will never feel anything other than moderation ever again.  Why would you ever feel happiness when there will be many people out there who are far happier than you?

The point of this post is to illustrate one thing - me.  This is who I am and it's the best description of me and my thought process you can get, far more than anything I could ever write to summarise my ethos in life and my interests.  This is what I do, I think.  Way too much at times.  I think up, I think down, I think forwards, I think backwards, if you can think about it I probably have too, and if I haven't I would be eager to, so don't be shy.  "Have you ever", "Would you ever", "Did you know", and "Do you think" are the best openings you could ever make in a conversation with me.

I will aim to update this blog at least once a week, more if I can manage it.