Sexual Baggage

"Do you have sexual baggage?" 

"What, like a slutty suitcase?"

This wasn't what I meant, and they had the wrong idea, but in a way it fits with my analogy.  I wasn't asking if your baggage was sexually provocative, I was asking whether your past sexual experience bears down on your present and future or potential relationships.  

When I first came out as a gay man to everyone I met, it was while I was at uni.  Before that only a select few knew.  Uni in many ways was my first experience of living "out" and all it offered.  After being in the closet for so long and denied of the possibility of having anything, when the opportunity came along it was metaphorically, and at times physically, all you can eat.

When I first came out I went through a slut phase which is common in the gay community.  After being in the closet or after being in a relationship, or after certain events it is often the first response to do whatever, or in this case whoever you want.  I have no lasting aftereffects of that phase in my life mainly because of the choices I made.  Nevertheless the fact I've been through that is unnerving to some guys.  So in a way I do have a slutty suitcase that I carry with me.

How many others have sexual baggage however is something that I never really thought about before but it's something that's been on my mind lately.  Beyond the slut life example, there are other experiences that can become metaphorical baggage.  They can be negative, which we'll step over for the sake of this post and my sanity; they can also be positive.  In regards to the positive side the easiest example would be a fetish.  It's something we generally discover through experimentation either alone or with someone else.  What we discover usually gives us pleasure but we often end up acutely aware that it won't necessarily do the same for others.  Fetishes in many ways are personal. 

Therein lies the element of baggage.  If you carry with you a fetish you enjoy then like all other baggage you'll seek a partner who can accommodate it.  The thing about baggage though is that we tend to shed it when it holds us back, the incentive needs to exist first though.  This creates the baggage paradox - you need someone who can accommodate it, you will be able to let some of it go for the right person, to meet the right person they need to accommodate it.

When we think about our baggage we tend to think of the other aspects of our lives and overlook this element altogether.  So my question of the day is, do you have sexual baggage?