In this place I used to live

You can spend every day of your life for several years in one place, seeing and doing everything there, then move on from that place.  For most people they will never return to that place.  I find this fascinating to think about, and also rather strange; in particular, the fact that for all the time you spent there, you will never return - spending more or less time there doesn't change that fact.

From houses you used to live in, places you worked, schools you once attended, the list grows more and more.  This isn't a case of these places no longer existing - that in itself is something to think about as well, but what I am focusing on here is the "entitlement" to essentially "reside" in these places for a set time.  When that entitlement ends you can't recover it in most cases.  The amount of time you spent there does not mean anything once you leave.

With houses we once lived in, this is perhaps the most self-evident.  The fact you no longer live there means you can't come and go as if you do.  With the exception of places owned by those close to us such as our parents, or friends who we visit who now live in those houses, there are few other instances where it even becomes possible for you to put your foot through the door.  The first house I ever lived in is now owned by strangers to me, and is quite a distance away.  To even be physically close to it, would take considerable time and conscious effort.

I don't live in the town where I grew up, the places I spent the first 18 years of my life are all places I have not even seen in over 10 years.  From my Primary School, High School, and College, to my first, second, and third houses, and the two I lived in for a while temporarily - one due to renovation, one due to being made homeless.  These are all places I spent a lot of time, but I will likely never enter again for the circumstances under which that would even be possible are convoluted to the point where it's unrealistic for me to suggest it would.  [Not impossible, just so highly improbable]

There are other places which, after you have been there, the circumstances which brought you there are unlikely to ever occur again.  My schools above would fall into that category, along with my University, my room in Halls of Residence, the places I rented as a student in my second and third years of my degree - both of which I believe have been sold off now.  As well as the companies I have worked for over the years, most of which do not allow the general public to enter freely.  Really the only places I have worked that did were retail outlets 2 of which have now changed hands. 

The houses I mentioned are perhaps the most poignant of the list however, as the others arose from incidents and circumstance, those houses were for a time the places I called home.  They were the places I lived, and I don't simply mean the places where I ate, drank, slept, and played, but the places where I lived my life, the love, the happiness, the loss, the sadness, the success, the failure, all of it.  While I may never enter any of those places ever again, they remain a part of me, in my memory and always will.  I find it quite moving at times when I have dreams about certain things and I am in those places in my dreams because they are where I was when they happened, they are the places I associate with certain emotions.  There is that cliché that is often uttered when you feel anxious or scared, or just feel down, people say "go to your happy place" - what I find interesting about that concept is that, although there are places I associate with sadness, angst, money, education, love, sex, etc, there's no one place I would associate most with happiness.  Maybe happiness isn't a place for me, maybe it's just a state of mind.