Long Time No See

Sometimes I Google people I knew in years gone by, just out of curiosity to see what I can find.  I have a mild form of Prosopagnosia, which is a condition where it's difficult for me to recognise faces.  I believe that is due to my Nystagmus but we can discuss that another time.  In short though it means recognising people when I see them is difficult, to the point where I have passed my own parents and my brother in the street.  People with this condition often end up using contextual clues to determine who people are, which is why when you meet people in unusual scenarios or in places you don't expect, you fail to recognise them even by those clues.

The Internet makes it easier to be sure you find the right person however because it allows you to find out other information in context beyond the picture alone.  Profiles give you information depending on the site e.g. social networks usually give you a name, a rough location even if it's only the country, and a rough idea of age etc.  Profiles on sites like LinkedIn give you a lot more specific information about a person that lets you pin them down even further.

I was looking up a guy I knew at University out of interest to see where he was now and what he is up to now.  I scrolled through a few sites, and a countless pictures before I stumbled upon one, the location matched, as did the name the picture looked nothing like the person I remembered however.  That's not unusual for me as I said above it's hard for me to recognise people at the best of times.  I did some further digging and came to the conclusion that it was indeed him.  The more I looked at the picture and the more I tried to stretch and fit the memory to it the more the face started to emerge.  Slowly but surely I finally recognized the person in the picture.

It's been about 10 years since I saw him last, and one of the first things to come to mind, I must apologize, was to think "You look old" before remembering he's actually about six months younger than me if I recall correctly.  I've spoken about ageing in past posts and how I find it hard to judge peoples' ages accurately, perhaps that's related to the Prosopagnosia, I've never actually made that link before, believe it or not.  Regardless, he looks like he has grown up much more than I have.  The site I found him on also stated his job which I won't state here for privacy reasons but suffice to say it's one I'd call a professional career rather than a job - the distinction between the two we can discuss another time but for simplicity I'll just say a professional career I generally define as one that requires certain qualifications before you can even apply for them.

All this combined made him seem more like an adult than I view myself.  Yes, I am 30 years old, and yes that makes me an adult, but I don't really conform to what you expect an adult to be - or at least what I always thought an adult was when I was a kid.  Someone who wears a suit, has lots of responsibilities, and "ticks the boxes" of what society expects you to do in your life, get married, buy a house, have kids, etc - although as a gay man I never really thought that applied to us that much even though we can do everything on that list.  He's gay too but from the look of him you'd never know it - stereotypes aside he was never one I would consider "straight acting", as much as I hate that phrase.

We don't speak anymore it will come as no surprise given I had to search for him to find any of this information for myself; we don't speak anymore not because of any great rift or conflict etc, just because we grew apart, and even now I don't think we'd have that much in common - that was before seeing his picture, after seeing it I think I'd probably have even less in common with him, I couldn't be further from everything he is and does.

I do find it interesting how people change though with time.  I do wonder whether he really did change and become the person he is now, or whether he is just doing what society expects of him?  To try and put this in context if you've ever seen Will and Grace, he would always have been Jack when we were in University but he looks more like he's turned into Will now.  It reminds me of that episode where Jack fears turning into Will by getting a real job, and settling down.  That's another phrase I've always hated "settling down" - I don't like the implication that you have to give up on your hopes and dreams and settle for whatever you can get or whatever you have - I don't like the idea of being told to "know my place" and stay there.  I really hate that and would encourage anyone to pursue their dreams and chase their passions, I'd hate for anyone to give up, probably because there are times I feel like giving up too but in the end I always manage to pull myself out of it.  After seeing him I have to wonder if I didn't manage to pull myself out of it, is that where I would be?  Not that there's anything wrong with it, he seems like he has a pretty decent life now, it's just not what I imagined, and I don't think it's what he imagined either.