You Look Familiar

There's a Youtuber I like to watch who I must admit the reason I first took interest in him was because he looked just like a guy I went to University with.  Said University friend I had a massive crush on, which we both acted upon and in hindsight that was probably a bad idea given the circumstances, if things had been different perhaps it could have worked out, but it didn't.  I'm being very simplified in this summary for the sake of brevity, the whole experience actually lasted two years and was such a maelstrom of angst and depression and sexualised tension that it ended up being one of the most tumultuous periods of my life.  As I said though if circumstances had been different things might have worked out.  This Youtuber is the spitting image of what he looked like whilst said friend looks nothing like that now.

I must admit the appeal at first was purely superficial, how he looked reminded me of the innocence I felt when I first saw this guy and part of me wanted to relive that feeling of liking someone without anything complicating things.  I should point out I've never met this Youtuber and I probably never will, and beyond a few comments I've left on his videos I doubt he even knows I exist, but that's ok, that's not the point.  I've made no attempt to actually connect with this person, I just like the way seeing him makes me feel.  After a while watching his videos I took a genuine interest in his content, that's primarily why I am still subscribed.  His personality is nothing like the guy I knew which is a relief in many ways because it prevents you from falling into that trap of imagining someone is someone they are not.

I find this idea fascinating though, the thought that you can't have someone in particular so you create a template of them encompassing all that you like about them and what appeals and then try to fit it to someone else.  Indulging my ego for a moment I do wonder if anyone has done that with me, created a template from me and sought out someone else that fit it - that's quite comical to me not because I think it would be impossible to find someone just like me, it probably is, we're not as unique as we like to think, but no, rather I find it comical the idea that they might actually succeed in finding someone that is as like me as you can get.  I find that humorous because to be honest when I look for a guy, in many ways I look for guys that are nothing like me.  I know that might sound self-deprecating but the thing is, I don't think you can ever succeed in a relationship with someone you are too similar to or who shares the same weaknesses as you.  Most of the guys I've got to know turned out to be too much like me that's why it never worked out with any of them.

I guess you could boil this down to the idea of "types" when it comes to dating and say that fitting a template is really an act of pursuing a specific type.  The trouble with that is just like the Youtuber I watch, the way someone looks is not a reliable indicator of their personality or anything else about them.  They say you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, and while that sentiment isn't always true, in this case it is.  You can't reliably use the way people look as a method of finding people that fit a desired personality, it's even debatable whether you should actually be trying to narrow down potential partners based on personality at all but we can save that for another day.

Still the question remains, why are we attracted to the familiar, what we know, and what we have already experienced.  Is our desire to remain in our comfort zone that strong that it influences who we are attracted to and guides us back to where we started?