My struggle with weight

I wanted to write a post about weight and the struggle I have with it right now but the truth is I wrote 1,200 words and read it back and realised it was incredibly self indulgent even for me, so I've decided to scrap it and start again.  This post is a lot better than the original but it's still self indulgent because it focuses on a problem I have that most people don't, so I want to add a disclaimer.  If you struggle with your weight and trying to lose it, don't read on, you probably won't like what you read. 

First things first, I have an auto-immune disease called Sarcoidosis.  I was diagnosed with it in 2017.  For the six months prior to my diagnosis I lost about 2 stone.  After my diagnosis I was prescribed a course of corticosteroids called Prednisolone which caused my weight to go back up because those kind of steroids make you fat.  I gained a stone and a half in the 3 months that I was on those tablets.  That left me half a stone below my initial weight.

Those steroids stopped after 3 months and over the year that followed my weight began to decline again and I lost that stone and a half which left me 2 stone lighter than when I had started.  That is more or less where I have been ever since.  My weight now fluctuates, it rises by up to 7 pounds and falls again in waves.  No amount of food that I eat results in any sustained weight gain.  When I do drop to the lowest point I do feel compelled to eat to bring it back up again because I am afraid of going below that line.

I'm not the sort of person that feels comfortable doing this.  I was never one to eat for the sake of eating.  I love food but I eat when I am hungry generally speaking and when I am not hungry I don't eat.  That means I have a very disorderly routine when it comes to eating, but my family are okay with this and so am I.  The only time I really eat at a set time is whenever we have a meal together as a family or on special occasions like Christmas.

That covers the basics that you need to know before continuing.  The rest of this post I will warn once again, for anyone who struggles with losing weight, you will likely feel despondent by the end if you continue reading. 

I recognise that most people struggle with losing weight, it being something that they want and desire.  I have the opposite problem right now and I know there are many people who would love to trade places with me but for all the pain and misery my Sarcoidosis has caused me I implore you to reason, you really wouldn't want to swap places it's really not worth it.

I get told at times that I look "really good" when I reach that low point of my weight and I've realised how disturbing that actually is, and the reality of that "compliment" people are giving.  I have a disease and the reason I have lost that weight and got to that point is that I am not healthy, you're literally saying that you think looking sick is desirable.  I know the people that say it really don't mean it in that way but that's the realisation it causes.  That does make me think about the pressure that's put on people to lose weight to conform, people really do want you to look unhealthy.