Gifts

They say never to look a gift horse in the mouth, but if the Trojans had done just that, they would have seen the Greeks inside and their city wouldn't have fallen.  It's that time of year when we search for the perfect present for other people and it is inevitable that we will receive presents from others that we just don't want.  Contrary to popular opinion I don't believe you should be grateful for every gift you receive, that mentality is one that makes the assumption that the gift was given in good faith and that isn't always the case.  There's a fine line between humour and being snide when it comes to giving other people gifts that aren't serious, and I've been on the receiving end of the latter before.  To that end, I don't think you should be afraid to reject a gift you don't want, either by giving it back to the person that give you it or by giving it to someone else who might actually like it, or a charity shop, or the bin.

Like the Trojan Horse, not all gifts are sincere and not all gifts are worth accepting.  There are some things in general that I am reluctant to accept from other people, money is perhaps the easiest example.  In my experience money is never given without expectations attached to it, there is always something more at play, something the person wants in return, and if you're comfortable with that then go ahead and take it, but if you're not comfortable or it's not immediately clear what that is then I would say to exercise caution.

I realise this may sound rather cynical given that it's Christmas time, and to be honest it is, and I don't make excuses for that.  For me when I buy people gifts I put thought into what I am getting someone, I buy something that I think they would actually like or that they would actually use, and as a last resort I've buy someone a voucher or a gift certificate so that they can buy something for themselves - I don't like doing that, as it is basically an admission of defeat and a way of saying, I didn't know what to get you, and this is what you are worth to me.

I'm not offended by people who buy me gift certificates as a present, that at least shows me that they have a basic idea of what I would like, they just couldn't narrow it down to something specific.  As for the amount, that really depends on the person, if I know they don't have a lot of money then I wouldn't pass any judgement on the value - gifts don't have to cost the Earth to be meaningful. Some of the best gifts I have ever been given didn't cost a lot of money, and although not at Christmas time, the best thing another person ever did for me was to buy flights for me at extremely short notice so that I could attend my Uncle's funeral, which I paid back, but the gesture meant so much more than the price, you can't put a price on what that meant to me.

Conversely, the worst gift I ever received was something that was rather insulting and abysmal, I won't say what it was because they would know who they are if they read this, suffice to say nobody ever give me something like that before and I am glad that nobody ever did again.  We exchanged presents once and never again.

I realise that buying presents for people can be incredibly difficult if you don't know the person well enough to be able to pick something meaningful.  Without sounding contrite I do have to ask whether you should be exchanging presents in the first place.  The tradition itself has a lot of significance attached to it, and when it comes to gifts where you exchange monetary value, like giving someone money and they also give you money, there doesn't seem to be any point in doing that.  If you both buy each other a £50 gift certificate, the only thing you've achieved is forcing each other to spend money which isn't a good thing, and seems to defeat the entire purpose to begin with.

Put some thought into the gifts you buy this year, think about the person you are buying a gift for, and above all else do not commit the cardinal sin of buying a gift that you would want to receive because in almost all cases that doesn't work out well in the end, you are different people and want different things, show them you appreciate them and think about the message your gift sends, spend time thinking about it because they're more than likely going to spend more time thinking about what you got them than you did when buying it.