Music Monday #10: Missundaztood by Pink

"Every day I fight a war against the mirror, I can't take the person starin' back at me, I'm a hazard to myself, Don't let me get me"
- 'Don't Let Me Get Me' - Pink

'Missundaztood' was released in 2001, a year that I've mentioned in a previous post in this series caused a lot of things in my life to change.  At the risk of repeating what I have already said I will instead choose to say that as I went through changes in my life, I had a lot of internal conflict, different desires pulled me in opposite directions and I found it difficult to have anything to ground myself and depend on.  'Don't Let Me Get Me' reflects an acknowledgement that I had at that moment in my life that I could be my own worst nightmare and my own worst enemy, my greatest threat was myself.  This time in my life is also close to a period I have spoken of in my post about suicide where my thoughts reached their darkest point. 

As is almost a cliché for me at this point, when I couldn't process my thoughts or my feelings, music was the first place I turned to and Pink in particular served as an exquisite articulation of the anger and turmoil that raged within me at times.  'Just Like A Pill' and 'Family Portrait' also touched on some pretty raw emotions that I went through at the time, this was a time in my life where I wanted more than anything to run away from everything but as was often the case there was nowhere to run to - it's understandable how that realisation can make you turn inward and reach a very dark place in your mind.

Missundaztood as an album reflects something much deeper that I was struggling with at the time and that is my sexuality, I knew I was gay, that wasn't in question, I was certain of that at least, but nobody knew at the time and as I mentioned in a previous post in this series there was nobody that I felt I could turn to and be open and discuss what I was feeling with, at the age of 13 you're not old enough to be able to seek medical advice without your parents or guardian knowing and school counsellors were still bound by Section 28 so not even they were an option.  I did a lot of things at that time in my life that I am grateful never left a mark physically but I would be lying if I said they didn't leave a mark you can't see.  My thoughts at that moment represent a mentality that I have only returned to a few times now in my life and I'm still here for now at least. 

There's more I could say about Pink and the influence she has had on my life, and the inspiration she has been, but spoilers, this isn't the only album of hers that will feature on this list, so I'll save my gushing for another post.  What is important to say however is that Pink is part of the reason why I am still here, and I am grateful for her and her music, I'm quite certain I am not alone in this sentiment and I know from her interviews, her social media, and her commentary that she's aware of the impact she's had, she might not know the intimate details of every story but that's okay, she doesn't have to really, like many of the artists I have featured on this list all that I want is for them to be who they are because just being who they are is what has been an inspiration to me, anyone who lives their truth unapologetic is an inspiration.

On a more light-hearted note, there is a bonus track called 'Catch-22' which is included in the second UK edition of the album - the version I now have, this track makes me smile both for the spoken word parts and for the narrative of the lyrics "You're damned if you do, You're damned if you don't, We're always doing all the things, That we say we won't" and "You've seen all the signs, But you haven't got a clue" both of which just hit home how futile it can be trying to change things in your life, this touches on something much deeper about the nature of free will, that I will discuss in another post but for now it's suffice to say this highlights the despair at feeling like no matter what you do you still end up back where you started with the same problems all over again.

Missundaztood in retrospect was a seminal work for Pink, although it wasn't her debut album, for me it embodied more of what she would go on to achieve and what she would come to represent and serves as the foundation of her journey for me personally.