Ageing vs Ageism

At what point does being realistic about the limitations of ageing become ageism? The opportunities we have in life change as we grow older, we tend to think more about what opens up to us with age than the things that are lost; for example we think of when we can legally drink, have sex, gamble, vote, or the things that are expected of us with age like taxes. There comes a point in your life when you realise that some dreams can only be achieved by a certain age, and that once you've passed that age, it's unrealistic to ever imagine achieving those things.

Although for many of those dreams they are not strictly impossible when you are older, the odds are just stacked so much against you that the effort required to overcome the disadvantage of age becomes disproportionate and the reward does not compensate you for the investment. In other words your pursuit has to be driven entirely by the desire to achieve it, as the achievement itself doesn't actually benefit you, if anything it will come at a net cost.

This thought occurred to me when reading about TEFL courses [Teaching English as a Foreign Language] which are promoted as an opportunity to travel, study, teach, and earn money all at the same time. I've thought about this many times as a lover of languages, of which I would also consider myself a life long learner. One aspiration I have is to become a Polyglot, that is, someone who can speak more than five languages - depending on whose definition you go by.

TEFL is technically not age restricted, beyond the minimum age requirement of 18 there is no equivalent upper age limit. However, it's somewhat unrealistic to imagine pursuing it when you're beyond your 20s mainly because the commitments we make as we grow older tend to increasingly tie us down. At 18 I moved 400 miles across the country to study at University with nothing but a laptop in a case over one shoulder and a holdall on the other that had a few changes of clothes and a spare pair of shoes. I took nothing else with me mainly because of the cost of moving it which I couldn't afford. I sold shares in Santander worth £800 which I survived on for about 2 months buying only essentials before my student loan came in.

16 years later I look back on my younger self and admire my resilience and the tenacity I showed, not as an attempt to inflate my ego but as an acknowledgement and a recognition of the fact I am no longer that person. The thought of doing that again right now seems completely alien to me. So many factors would come into play in my decision making process before I would even entertain the thought with any degree of seriousness. Beyond being willing however, there are many barriers that now exist to doing the same thing again. For one, I moved across country to live in Halls of Residence at University which charged rent in 3 instalments timed to coincide with student loans, so I didn't have to pay rent for those first two months, that's not an opportunity that presents itself to you in your 30s. If you want to move across country you need a place to live, which requires a deposit, usually a month's rent, and in many cases proof of earnings.

As much as I would consider a second degree there are too many obstacles to overcome in order to achieve that feat, and the potential reward does not seem worth it given the fact that since graduating from University with a Bachelors degree I haven't actually used it. None of the jobs I have had since graduation required it, and none were actually related specifically to my field. A Masters Degree is something I would like to have more for my own validation.

TEFL as a means to travel is still appealing but again the financial barriers are burdensome. Even if the programme took care of basic needs, accommodation, food, expenses etc, there are still bills and financial commitments I have made here which would still need to be met even if I was thousands of miles away.

I don't have children, and I don't want them for that matter; but raising a family is another example of something that becomes less realistic as an aspiration the older you get. For women, more than for men, the clock is literally ticking; granted beyond menopause there are still options like surrogacy or adoption to provide a route to having children if you're not able to do so yourself. Still the age gap between you and any potential child grows wider day by day and there comes a point of pragmatism where you have to consider whether you could actually handle the needs and demands of a child.

The physical energy that I have, the mental agility, and the cognitive stamina for lack of a better term, have all declined with age. My body is not as resilient, I feel mentally drained, and walking away from things has less of a fear of an admission of failure attached to it and more of an awareness of what is and is not worth the effort attached instead. Walking away does not feel like admitting defeat anymore it feels like prioritising my own health and well-being as the things I want to devote my energy to instead.

I an in a reflective mindset at the moment mainly because the passed few months have been very stressful for me in my personal life, but also because I've felt the dark clouds of depression shifting above my head and a ray of light falling on my face like the Universe is asking me if I am ready to move on, I feel like it's waiting for my answer right now. Being able to think clearly and consider my options is making me think more about what path it is or isn't realistic for me to try and take from here.

It's been just over a year since I wrote my last post of this nature June seems to be a very reflective month for me. You would think it would be May since that's when my actual birthday is, but there does seem to be a sort of delayed reaction in letting the magnitude of the last year sink in. This time last year my thoughts were focused on other things, the pandemic doesn't weigh as heavily on my mind now, in many ways I've moved beyond it mentally. Still the theme remains, life seems to be without direction and every attempt to move has so far been met with more resistance. If the Universe really does want me to move on, it would be nice to have some stage directions, "a little to the left" at the very least.