Seasons, Reasons, And Just For The Teasing

There's a guy on YouTube who makes ASMR videos who I am enamoured with. I discovered his channel about a year ago now, and everything about him is entrancing. His voice, his demeanour, his smile melts my heart. I had admired him from a distance for some time but my neurodivergent ways took over in the end, I spent some time looking through his social media to learn a bit more about him as a person, partly out of curiosity but also partly as a way to get over that crush.

He lives in France, that's where he's from; I assume he lives in Paris but he's never actually said in a video or anywhere else as far as I can see. He has made videos in some Paris landmarks though, which is why I have that assumption. He's around the same age as me, but again I only know this because of some of the things he's mentioned, he's never actually shared his age. I came across a few interesting coincidences though in some of the stories that he has told.

I grew up in Northern Ireland, I still live there now, but for 3 years I lived in London whilst I studied for a degree in Computer Science with Games Technology. University was a life experience for me, in hindsight my choice of degree was a mistake firstly because I didn't learn anything from it as around 90% of the content it covered was already covered by my BTEC National Diploma, if I had known that I probably would have picked a different course. The other reason I think it was a mistake though, which I have mentioned in the past, is the catch-22 of an industry that wants experience first, but in order to get that experience you need to work in the industry. The first question employers asked was to see a portfolio of work, they didn't care about education at all.

University was a life experience in other ways, I went at the age of 18, having spent the first 17 years of my life in the closet, only coming out partly to friends and family a few months before I went, and to those that remained once I got there. I spent 3 years looking for a boyfriend in London, something which aptly turned out to be a fruitless endeavour. I still took the opportunity to explore my sexuality though, beyond the pursuit of love I actively pursued like and lust in equal measure, the harvest of both of these endeavours was plentiful to put it mildly.

I went to City University which is part of the University of London federation of Universities, as such some of the Student Union events were coordinated with the other Universities in the federation. So I now know as it turns out that this guy also went to University in London, during the same 3 years, at another University in the federation. That was the first coincidence that made me smile, the fact that we had both been in London at the same time, and could have met but never did. I think that ship has sailed by the way, we will probably never meet, this isn't a "You've Got Mail" type story where they get together in the end, sorry to burst your bubble.

The first two weeks of University were filled with events at various clubs around London organised by CUSU [City University Students' Union] we wouldn't have met at any of those events but the final night of Freshers' Fortnight as it was branded was held at Ministry of Sound in Elephant and Castle, a night club that is rather famous for having an associated record label and a wide range of EDM events. I went that night and have since learned that he did too. This makes me smile again because it meant we were in the same place at the same time, perhaps mere feet apart from each other, we could have walked straight passed each other without knowing.

My night life started out with mostly straight venues in London although I quickly joined the LGBT Society at University, something I would later become the Chief Technical Officer for, one flatmate would become the Treasurer as they were studying Maths and Finance, another flatmate would become Events Coordinator studying Music, and I was close friends with the President and even attended the NUS LGBT conference as a delegate representing my University. So I was quite involved in anything Gay related to my University at the time. This is pertinent because this guy is gay, and was also involved with his own University's LGBT Society. I don't know if he attended any conferences but if he did then we would have been in the same hotel and in the same conference room voting on motions etc.

Beyond University I frequented many Gay bars and Clubs in London at the time so there's always the chance we could have met at any one of those on any given night by chance, but there's one night in particular that stands out. There was a club called Popstarz that was based in King's Cross for the longest time at a venue called Scala. Gentrification pushed out the LGBT community from King's Cross and a number of venues closed or relocated as a result. Popstarz moved initially to a venue just opposite the London Astoria where G-A-Y held its Club nights, both would eventually close, again due to gentrification and redevelopment of the surrounding area to make way for Crossrail; G-A-Y Club would eventually find its home in Heaven at Charring Cross, I don't know where Popstarz moved to but I believe it is now defunct either way.

On the night of Popstarz grand opening opposite the Astoria I was there with a group of friends, we were at the top of the queue and didn't wait long to get in, and we spent most of the night there. I know from posts he made on social media that he was there too, although he waited in line for about an hour before he got in, but as I said we spent the night in there so I know in that moment again we were in the exact same place, at the exact same time, and probably walked straight passed each other at some point.

The thing about these coincidence that I ponder is the idea of fate, what is meant to be will be, and this just wasn't meant to be. When we think of the idea of 'The One' we tend to think of them as a specific person, someone out there that we're meant to find and be with. I don't think that's true though, to me 'The One' is a title, and as such anyone could potentially claim it, there will be one person who holds it but many people who could become that one. In the original Matrix movie, Neo visits the Oracle and asks her if he is The One, she tells him he isn't, but she does not lie to him, because she conveniently leaves out the last word "yet" because the entire story is predicated on that idea, that The One is a title and at that moment Neo was not The One because he did not accept the title, he had not yet become the one because he didn't want it yet.

I don't think this guy is the one that got away, and despite his life being a focus of this post, this isn't about him specifically, more about the idea and the fascination with the fact that two peoples' life paths can come so close, figuratively and in this case quite literally close to crossing, yet still for one reason or another they never meet.

Some people come into your life for a season, they enter, they stay a while, and then they leave. Some people come into your life for a reason, they enter, they either teach you something when you're with them, or you learn from the experience after they leave, but in either case they leave in the end. That old adage usually ends with the assertion that some people come into your life for a lifetime, they enter and they stay until the end. While that may be true for some people I think I'd prefer to revise it and say that some people come for a season, a reason, or they're just teasing. That last one is what this feels like, the Universe teasing me with the opportunity but for whatever reason it never became a reality.

The fact that we live in a world where we are more connected than we have ever been and that this trend gets more and more solidified with each passing day, all makes these kind of stories probably a lot more common than we would first think. There are perfectly reasonable explanations for all of these coincidences, a lot of them involve higher probabilities; London for instance is the capital of the UK. Around a tenth of the UK's population lives in the Greater London Area so there was always going to be a disproportionate chance that's where I would end up. This is skewed even heavier by its importance as the UK's financial and technical centre and my choice of degree.

As for his choices, he speaks French naturally but he also speaks English and a few other languages. I don't know what he studied exactly but I assume it was taught in English since he studied in London. Pre-brexit the UK was a popular choice in Europe for anyone who wanted to study anything really if it had to be taught in English. That's not to say English speaking schools don't exist in Europe, they certainly do, there's just a bias towards the UK given English is our native language. Whatever he studied there was probably going to be that disproportionate chance that he would pick the UK and that would skew quite heavily towards London in particular if you chose to study here.

I do wonder though, if we had met, would either of our lives have changed much?